Supporting Children’s Intense Emotions
Growing Emotional Intelligence through Emotional Coaching
Gifted, sensitive and creative children experience intense emotions, it is just part of who they are — part of their inherent makeup. When they are allowed to share their emotions freely, learn through them, and take advantage of learned coping skills and sensory aids, children living with emotional intensity are able to grow their emotional intelligence; maturity and strength. Parents who learn to be their children’s Emotional Coach; name, validate and show empathy for feelings, help them to grow into secure, resilient and self-regulating individuals. .
Some may believe that naming, validating and showing empathy for all feelings will cause a child to become weak or spoiled. This couldn’t be further from the truth, it actually makes them stronger. Understanding their own emotions helps children to better understand others, to feel secure, to build the self-confidence needed, to go out into the world — to explore, to learn, to pursue their own goals and dreams.
When children fail to have their feelings validated by their caretakers, they may struggle with insecurity, self-doubt and self-regulation. They often experience generalized anxiety, and have a need for constant reassurance and approval. When children are not allowed to express their feelings freely, they must suppress those feelings. When feelings are suppressed, self awareness and self acceptance suffer. Children may question their identity or wonder who they truly are. Children who were brought up in households where feelings were not discussed or allowed, may not be aware of their own basic needs. As adults, this can create problems in their relationships, not knowing how to share their true feelings or advocate for their own needs. They may also see their partners need to share or discuss their feeling as needy, weak and unattractive.
Where feelings are ignored or denied, emotional development and self-regulation suffer. We don’t learn what acknowledging of feelings teaches us; that feelings are temporary, thy have a purpose, and are nothing to fear — if we can simply let the feeling flow through us — it will soon pass. However, it is no better, if we acknowledge our children’s feelings, but minimize them with statements like, “Oh, you’re fine, it’s just a little scratch.” “Well, what did you do to him first?” or “You’re ok, you’re just too sensitive.” These kinds of statements do not help, they only ad more hurt, and confusion. When feelings are minimized or denied, it tells our children that who they are and what they feel is not ok. Eventually, they will start to ignore their feelings themselves, or push them deep down inside. But ignoring or suppressing feelings does not make them go away, they will only resurface later in life, as relationship problems, anxiety or depression.
Allowing, naming, validating and showing empathy for feelings teaches our children that they, and everything they feel — who they are — is ok. It teaches them how to communicate what is going on inside of them, and to feel secure in sharing their feelings and advocating for their own needs, which will help them to someday create loving and nurturing families of their own.
Hugs and Happy Parenting!
Julie L Gibson-Vasquez
The Proactive Parenting Coach and
Life & Love Coaching @giftedlifeloveparentingcoach
Some may believe that naming, validating and showing empathy for all feelings will cause a child to become weak or spoiled. This couldn’t be further from the truth, it actually makes them stronger. Understanding their own emotions helps children to better understand others, to feel secure, to build the self-confidence needed, to go out into the world — to explore, to learn, to pursue their own goals and dreams.
When children fail to have their feelings validated by their caretakers, they may struggle with insecurity, self-doubt and self-regulation. They often experience generalized anxiety, and have a need for constant reassurance and approval. When children are not allowed to express their feelings freely, they must suppress those feelings. When feelings are suppressed, self awareness and self acceptance suffer. Children may question their identity or wonder who they truly are. Children who were brought up in households where feelings were not discussed or allowed, may not be aware of their own basic needs. As adults, this can create problems in their relationships, not knowing how to share their true feelings or advocate for their own needs. They may also see their partners need to share or discuss their feeling as needy, weak and unattractive.
Where feelings are ignored or denied, emotional development and self-regulation suffer. We don’t learn what acknowledging of feelings teaches us; that feelings are temporary, thy have a purpose, and are nothing to fear — if we can simply let the feeling flow through us — it will soon pass. However, it is no better, if we acknowledge our children’s feelings, but minimize them with statements like, “Oh, you’re fine, it’s just a little scratch.” “Well, what did you do to him first?” or “You’re ok, you’re just too sensitive.” These kinds of statements do not help, they only ad more hurt, and confusion. When feelings are minimized or denied, it tells our children that who they are and what they feel is not ok. Eventually, they will start to ignore their feelings themselves, or push them deep down inside. But ignoring or suppressing feelings does not make them go away, they will only resurface later in life, as relationship problems, anxiety or depression.
Allowing, naming, validating and showing empathy for feelings teaches our children that they, and everything they feel — who they are — is ok. It teaches them how to communicate what is going on inside of them, and to feel secure in sharing their feelings and advocating for their own needs, which will help them to someday create loving and nurturing families of their own.
Hugs and Happy Parenting!
Julie L Gibson-Vasquez
The Proactive Parenting Coach and
Life & Love Coaching @giftedlifeloveparentingcoach
